The People in This Neighborhood

I ride the bus home from work. I also ride the bus to work, but that's another story.

Yesterday as I stood waiting at the Arborland Mall bus stop to catch my second bus, A few people came and gathered there with me. One of these people was an pepper-haired older woman in a purple ski coat and baseball cap. She sat on the bench near me, laid her bags on the ground, and took a sip of her steaming beverage. "How are you?" she asked me.

So I replied, "I'm alright, thanks.... A little cold though."

"Get yourself a free sample coffee at Starbuck's. There a good company. I've been dealing with them for years. There's another one down there by, uh, Golfside."

"Yes, they're everywhere."

(brief pause... ever so brief)

"Yep, you never lose with them, good company." She continues, "I came down here today, to the mall here to check out these shops. I told myself I'd go to all of them, but I only made it to three. I should've told myself I'd come down here and get to as many as I could, then I wouldn't have to be disappointed, miss out."

(ever so brief)

"I stopped over at Michael's to see what they have. They have some good deals there. Some things for 69 cents - I like to buy objects to pose with because I'm a model. Sometimes I'll glue small animals to my body," - she stamps her fingertips on her knee, "or tie things to myself... or I can get things to drape over my chest. Michael's, they usually have some good bargains."

"Sometimes they can be over-priced," I counter.

"Yeah, but I can usually find something there. I try to - I stop by thrift stores to find knick-knacks and props to use with me. But you can find good things a lot of places." At this point, the number 4 bus, my bus, pulls around the corner.

She continues, "I have to be ready for my bus... when it comes here. It co- - -"

I couldn't hear what she continued to say because I walked away to get on the bus.

It's not that I don't like to meet new people; I do, but I had this uncomfortable feeling that I had to draw her in class at some point during the last four years. Uncomfortable.

French Radio

I found this new radio station on iTunes, RADIO NEO 95.2fm, in the Alternative tab.

It is French.

I can't keep up with hardly anything they say or sing.
But I really like to listen to it.

The music is phenomenal, and other big words that mean "I like it."

It's slogan is "Liberateur de talents." ...hm...


EDIT, later that day:
and this one too, LA GROSSE RADIO, Rock & Alternative French Radio | www.lagrosseradio.com

EDIT, even later: OK, so some of the music was really great, but maybe these stations are just that good only sometimes. Now I don't want to listen anymore today.

push

I am more lost than I've ever been.

I am sure of so little.

But I still keep trying. , , Because this is what I know... to do. because i am sure of somethings._

because someday,, , th- _ ;
someday, those sure things... will be.

change & stay the same

i'm tired of pretending that i'm happy all the time

from now on i will say what's on mind
the truth
and act on what i feel

but i'll still be nice to everyone. i can't help that

if there's only one thing

I understand the adage goes: 'You can't have everything you want,' meaning you'll need to make important decisions in life of what to pursue and what to sacrifice.

But what if there's only one thing that you've decided that you want? Anything else - any possession, any dream, any memory - is secondary... is worth sacrificing if you could just have this one thing because maybe it is everything you want, and maybe you never knew it until now...

How does that work?

Can I have it?
I think I'd give up anything just for a shot... just for one chance to prove that she's worth it _ __ ___

doubts of selflessness

My motivation has always been bred by the doubt of others. If I am told I cannot do something, naturally I find a way to do it.
But at times I question whether this M.O. will help me reach the most ambitious goals I see for my future.
Will constantly swimming upstream prove my worth? Will I earn accolades if I always defy what is expected of me, though I only want what's best? Will earning what I believe is best set me apart and away from the people I long to have near me?

Why can I not have everything I want? Why must I sacrifice one joy for opportunity, pleasure for responsibility, myself for others? Why do I feel I ought to? Why do I feel this way?

And does this make me a good person? an ignorant man? selfrighteous?
Does or will what I do matter... ever?