"Bilal's Stand" Trailer One

This film premieres at the Michigan Theatre in April.
I helped make it.
Providing the light including the sun. (among other things)



It will be stellar.

My Blueberry Nights

by Wong Kar Wai

This director really does have beautiful eyes.
I think I will lik-- love this movie.

If i ruled the world,

I would decree sundaes be eaten on Sunday,

dressing up would be encouraged,

driving cars would be discouraged,

more movies and music and theatre and art would be produced,

everyone would plant at least one tree every year,

the world would be more colorful,

people would smile at strangers when they pass on the street,

and leaving the bathroom without washing your hands would be criminal.

The People in This Neighborhood

I ride the bus home from work. I also ride the bus to work, but that's another story.

Yesterday as I stood waiting at the Arborland Mall bus stop to catch my second bus, A few people came and gathered there with me. One of these people was an pepper-haired older woman in a purple ski coat and baseball cap. She sat on the bench near me, laid her bags on the ground, and took a sip of her steaming beverage. "How are you?" she asked me.

So I replied, "I'm alright, thanks.... A little cold though."

"Get yourself a free sample coffee at Starbuck's. There a good company. I've been dealing with them for years. There's another one down there by, uh, Golfside."

"Yes, they're everywhere."

(brief pause... ever so brief)

"Yep, you never lose with them, good company." She continues, "I came down here today, to the mall here to check out these shops. I told myself I'd go to all of them, but I only made it to three. I should've told myself I'd come down here and get to as many as I could, then I wouldn't have to be disappointed, miss out."

(ever so brief)

"I stopped over at Michael's to see what they have. They have some good deals there. Some things for 69 cents - I like to buy objects to pose with because I'm a model. Sometimes I'll glue small animals to my body," - she stamps her fingertips on her knee, "or tie things to myself... or I can get things to drape over my chest. Michael's, they usually have some good bargains."

"Sometimes they can be over-priced," I counter.

"Yeah, but I can usually find something there. I try to - I stop by thrift stores to find knick-knacks and props to use with me. But you can find good things a lot of places." At this point, the number 4 bus, my bus, pulls around the corner.

She continues, "I have to be ready for my bus... when it comes here. It co- - -"

I couldn't hear what she continued to say because I walked away to get on the bus.

It's not that I don't like to meet new people; I do, but I had this uncomfortable feeling that I had to draw her in class at some point during the last four years. Uncomfortable.

French Radio

I found this new radio station on iTunes, RADIO NEO 95.2fm, in the Alternative tab.

It is French.

I can't keep up with hardly anything they say or sing.
But I really like to listen to it.

The music is phenomenal, and other big words that mean "I like it."

It's slogan is "Liberateur de talents." ...hm...


EDIT, later that day:
and this one too, LA GROSSE RADIO, Rock & Alternative French Radio | www.lagrosseradio.com

EDIT, even later: OK, so some of the music was really great, but maybe these stations are just that good only sometimes. Now I don't want to listen anymore today.

push

I am more lost than I've ever been.

I am sure of so little.

But I still keep trying. , , Because this is what I know... to do. because i am sure of somethings._

because someday,, , th- _ ;
someday, those sure things... will be.

change & stay the same

i'm tired of pretending that i'm happy all the time

from now on i will say what's on mind
the truth
and act on what i feel

but i'll still be nice to everyone. i can't help that

if there's only one thing

I understand the adage goes: 'You can't have everything you want,' meaning you'll need to make important decisions in life of what to pursue and what to sacrifice.

But what if there's only one thing that you've decided that you want? Anything else - any possession, any dream, any memory - is secondary... is worth sacrificing if you could just have this one thing because maybe it is everything you want, and maybe you never knew it until now...

How does that work?

Can I have it?
I think I'd give up anything just for a shot... just for one chance to prove that she's worth it _ __ ___

doubts of selflessness

My motivation has always been bred by the doubt of others. If I am told I cannot do something, naturally I find a way to do it.
But at times I question whether this M.O. will help me reach the most ambitious goals I see for my future.
Will constantly swimming upstream prove my worth? Will I earn accolades if I always defy what is expected of me, though I only want what's best? Will earning what I believe is best set me apart and away from the people I long to have near me?

Why can I not have everything I want? Why must I sacrifice one joy for opportunity, pleasure for responsibility, myself for others? Why do I feel I ought to? Why do I feel this way?

And does this make me a good person? an ignorant man? selfrighteous?
Does or will what I do matter... ever?

ripe with i thought so

i am the rustlove harmonica
in the temporary river
of misfortunate circumstance
tributarized by melon-balling spritzers
of haircut microphones
singing alleyway triggers
of ass-i-kiss-tic ballads
for the best, never committed

now that's the truth
you heard me

winning

I am starting to win.
I have a job... working in video editing and other media.
I may get to do some photography and documentary for the Ann Arbor Street Art Fair.
I've moved to a comfortable new house.
I am finding the desire to be creative once again.
And it snowed.. a lot.. and I'm happy about that.

Now, if I could only get paid.



PS.. I added a ONE page element on the right. They're about fighting poverty. It's worth checking out.

losing

I've lost all motivation to continue posting here
as few people actually read what I write.

Until further notice,
I am taking a break from this...
"accounting"
of the events of my mind.

Besides,
until further notice,
I am losing all battles with the world .. .

Did I tell you that I biked 17 miles from Westland to Ann Arbor last Wednesday?

I did.
Seventeen (17) miles.
Half of it down a dirt road.
(Often the gears would lock up. I walked the bike up five hills.)
The ride was a difficult, up-(and sporadically down)-hill, two hour fight.
But I made it.

I stopped for ten minutes on the dirt roadside to eat an apple and stretch.
I took a short nap on the grass when I made it.
I stretched again.
I took a cowboy shower.
Then I worked for seven more hours... on my feet.

Needless to say, I did not bike home.
I was tired, but surprisingly not sore.
I felt good,,, healthy,,, and accomplished.

My Theme Song

This is my theme song.
I didn't choose it; it chose me.
Sometimes I hear it playing, but there is no radio around. I could be anywhere, and the right thought just pops into my head, and this song plays, and I can actually hear it... in my ears. Of course, this happens with a number of songs. It is like they're recorded in my head... but never so often as with this song.

Jason Kendall Ray

It took me an hour and a half to read this article...

____Ray of Hope____
about Jason Kendall Ray
aka Rameses, the UNC mascot,
aka youth leader,
aka front man for Nine PM Traffic,
aka etc, etc, etc...

Recently,
as we were discussing how I believe some people I am close to look to me expecting to see pride or strength or success,
a friend asked me who it is that I look up to.

While one may expect some obvious well-known professionals,
directors or artists or writers,
I had never deeply considered the individuals that inspire me to be who I am.

I have never truly kept track of the people and their stories whom,
when I hear of or read of or meet or get to know them,
I am affected, moved, shaped, changed.

I think this record begins today
with Jason Kendall Ray.

Stranger > Familiar > Neighbor

I went to the Matthaei Botanical Gardens on Saturday.
(Keep in mind: it is Autumn. So, the colors? Grand.)
U-M A&D professor Nick Tobier was hosting a performance
in their perennial garden.
I was the video documenteer.

While the performance was warm, musical, and comedic,
it was not the gesture that lightened my heart the most.
Rather
as I spent the few hours
beforehand and afterhand
roaming the grounds, the gardens, and the Flora & Fauna art fair,
I passed a myriad of patrons,
each of which (young, old, native, migrant, short, shorter...)
greeted me with a smile, a hello, or both.

It was this contact,
even the simple gesture of acknowledgment in eye contact,
that made my day.
It made my day. It made my week.
It renewed my appreciation
in the value of living in a community
where people are happy and they care,
"where everybody knows your name,"
or where
regardless of whether you are a stranger, someone familiar, or a neighbor,
you are always welcome.

This is the most welcome amongst strangers I've ever felt.
And now,
even though I still don't know their names,
they do not seem so strange any more.

"green"

the power of suggestion


you see green because
you are led to believe that you are seeing green because
the green that you think you see
is the green that you see
is green because
it is

This short intends to play with the mind's perception of what one is told and led to believe that one sees. Through the power of suggestion, what one sees is green. So ask yourself: Do you see green? Do you believe what you see is green?
I believe it because I shot it. I am telling you that what is shown here is green because it is, but don't take my word for it. Watch it again... more closely.

music: "De Usuahia A La Quiaca" by Gustavo Santaolalla

Dream 9.28.07

I am eating "lunch" with a child actor - in my dream.
(I quote "lunch" because everyone basically eats whatever they feel like during a midday lunch-sized break from shooting this strange scary movie, which had, in part, preceded this moment in my dream.)
He eats some freshly prepared Caesar Salsa...

Take a moment to imagine what this dish looks, smells, tastes like.
A white florray with hints of earthly green and red garnishing each scoop of the dusty rainbow tortilla slices. Bountifully chunky, and not too saucy, the bulks of his bites grab the chip preferring to be stomached by the young man rather than grace the forbidden ground of this gas station parking lot, even tented from the sun as it is. The air is warm and almost dry, but when child actor cracks the lid it radiates a conditioning into the air as a crisply-opened refrigerator door. The aroma and the breeze of Caesar Salsa wrap around my nose, my mouth, my face. I inhale and profess, "If I could have whatever I wanted for lunch every day, I guess that's what I'd eat too."

And of course, because this is my dream, everyone chuckles,,,
including the pretty girl sitting on my left
with an apple red lunch
meeting her apple red lips...

but that's another story.

Save Joey

Like most people, I am motivated when what I do is seen and encouraged.
Unlike most people , I need this motivation.
For some recent time, I (namely, my imagination, which is more important to my survival and personality than my brain and heart) has felt like a dead puppy.

Your mission - whether you choose to accept it or not - is to help bring me puppy back from the dead.
This is not a one person job; it is a community effort...
for all those who care about me, I challenge you to tell me what I could/should/(hell, what you would) do.

Joey needs your help.

cold air + sun sky = autumn

I like wearing long sleeves on days like this. It keeps you warm, but not too warm, and not too cool. It is almost - I wish every day was like this (but maybe with a few more clouds/sq.in.

ps. word math is fun

ps.ps. every day. like this.